Nico (vilakins) wrote,
Nico
vilakins

Auckland, city of fails, I mean sails

A while back, people were doing a meme where you google "You know you're from [wherever] when" and post the results. There was only one for Auckland It was:

...you leave the house on a beautiful sunny day and think, "Oh shit, I forgot my umbrella!"

Which is very true. I did think up another one though:

...no matter where you're driving from or where to, at least one street will be dug up.

But this week there were a few in The Aucklander which had an article on how hated we are by the rest of the country. In fact we proudly call ourselves by their insult: JAFA: just another f-ing Aucklander.

You know you're a JAFA when...

you make over $100,000 a year and still can't afford a house

you spent more money on your coffee machine than your washing machine

you shell out $400+ a week for a room in an apartment with stunning harbour and beach views and European appliances, then spend a total of 40 hours there, 37 of them sleeping

you've sat for 30 minutes in a traffic jam next to a car with more power going to its speaker than to its wheels

you're part of a neighbourhood watch group but have never met the neighbours

you can roll sushi, make pasta, and have your own red curry paste recipe, but couldn't roast a chicken to save your life

a really great parking space can move you to tears

you have strong opinions on where your coffee beans are grown and can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian

you tell friends flying in from Sydney that you'll pick them up from the airport, but you'd have to leave before they did

Some rather unkind Auckland jokes from the rest of the country.

What do you call two days of rain in Auckland?
The weekend.

What do you call four days of rain in Auckland?
Easter.

There has to be somewhere for people who can't get into Wellington to live.

Satan-worshipping residents of Auckland are spared unnecessary anguish and discomfort when they die because the transition to hell is barely noticeable.

Town planners thoughtfully spread Auckland over a large area (it was the biggest city in the world before Mexico City overtook it a few years ago) so that visitors have a lower statistical chance of running into an Aucklander.

Aucklanders dealt with their feeling of inadequacy by erecting a 40-storey pole with a knob on the top in the middle of the city.

The city's a decoy for alien invasions because they'll destroy it first, deceived by its size into thinking it's important.

Tags: auckland, humour, nz
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