Nico (vilakins) wrote,

Ficlet: Pain Management

I seems to have got behind on cross-posting from b7friday. This was from from a couple of weeks ago for the topic of Pink Floyd song titles. 360 words set in season 4 and therefore somewhat depressing.

Pain Management

Not sure how much more of this I can take.

S'not just that everything that we do fails. I could handle it if I felt I was, I dunno, part of it, part of the crew. Haven't felt like that for a while.

I miss Blake.

Never thought I would, you know, with all his crazy and dangerous plans. But we were a team back then, even me. Felt I counted for something. Where's that bottle? Jus' another glass, that'll do the trick. All started going wrong when he left. Tarrant and Dayna didn't think much of me, and to be fair, who could blame them? Don't look at me like that. Dayna took over weapons and how many locks were there for me to open, eh? Course they thought I was a spare part.

Yeah, all right, they're not quite so bad now, but I'm not sure what they see when they look at me, any of 'em. Not an equal, that's for sure. A person? Not even sure about that. I'm not even funny any more. Used to be, back in the old days, you remember that. Ol' Avon never laughed out loud, but you could see it in his eyes. He'd smile sometimes too, a real one, not just bare his teeth like he does now.

Why don't I leave? Well may you ask! I've considered it, but I'd have to take the Scorpio, you see. Don't think I haven't been tempted. Almost did on that gold job; warned 'em it wouldn't work too, but I know I'd spend the rest of me life feeling guilty I'd stranded them. Stupid, isn't it. 'Sides, you know me--we're two of a kind, no good on our own. Better the devils I know than no one at all. Damned either way, aren't I?

Come on, Gan, have another drink. Cheers, me old mate.

They make snide remarks about me drinking the best of Dorian's wine, you know. Not true. Jus' drink the closest of it. Don't care about the bloody vintage, it's just an anaesthetic. Stops the pain for a while.

Gets me comfortably numb.

Like I am now.

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