Nico (vilakins) wrote,
Nico
vilakins

Ficlet: All Fools' Day

Last week's b7friday topic was jokes. Set in season 1, no spoilers, 500 words.

All Fools' Day

Jenna gave everyone a defiant look as she slid behind her console. Blake frowned at her, puzzled, as he passed her on his way out. Something was subtly different. He shrugged, Perhaps she had a new outfit on; he wasn't any good at noticing that sort of thing. He ran up the steps, passing Gan.

"Bloody hell." Gan held something large, light, and hairy at arm's length. "Look at the size of this rat. Found it in the galley and flattened it with a frypan."

"That's--" Jenna leaped to her feet '--a very big rat," she finished, lamely. She wasn't going to admit to wearing a hairpiece to bulk out the back of her do, even if she'd got it all the way from Earth on the London without it being savaged by Zephronians.

"Yeah." Vila looked nervous. "That thing could herd sheep."

Jenna regarded him suspiciously, then noticed Avon smiling to himself as he opened his tool box. Right. He certainly wasn't borrowing her hairdryer now. She turned back to Gan. "Did you enjoy the eggs I cooked."

"Parts were very nice." Gan flung the flat rat onto the couch, making Vila wince. "One was a bit tough though."

"You ate it?" Vila's eyes widened.

"Why not? Bit tasteless, but I like a good chew."

Jenna regretted paying so much for the rubber fried egg Vila had called a work of art, though he hadn't been far wrong.

Avon selected a probe and stared as it wilted in his fingers. He picked out another one, as limp as the first, and examined it closely, then narrowed his eyes at Vila.

"Metal fatigue?" Vila said innocently.

Yes. It could only be him. "Nice work." Avon gave him a brilliant and disquieting smile. "You have a delicate touch. I could do with an assistant."

Vila's face fell. "Oh."

Cally smiled and sipped her coffee, then pulled a face.

Gan snorted with delight. The old salt in the sugar bowl never failed.

"Now, that is a nice flavour combination." Cally savoured both her coffee and her anticipation. Vila had explained about All Fools' Day, and she was prepared to wait for the results of the vitamin drinks she had served at breakfast.

"All right," Blake bellowed from the top of the steps. "Who's responsible?"

"Not many of this crew, I'd have thought," Avon said. "For what in particular?"

"My pee! It's blue! It's bright bloody blue!" He glared around the flight deck. "Oh, yes, you all look far too innocent to be true. That's it. I've had it with this crew. You're not taking this rebellion seriously enough. I need committed, dedicated people so I'm replacing you all."

Everyone spoke at once: "It was only a joke!" "You'll need a pilot." "Couldn't drop us off somewhere nice, could you?" "It is only a temporary effect." "At last, an intelligent decision."

Blake waited, hands on hips, until they were all quiet. "Got the lot of you," he grinned. "Happy Fools' Day."

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